And then, a secret siren looked out of the window looking for a police van to call its own but then it realised it was only a curmudgeon stuck in the back seat of a limousine, waiting to become the real thing.

The thinking cap pulled up her socks, rolled up her sleeves and wrote four Petrarchan sonnets before a breakfast of Nashed Potatoes.

The calendar dropped all its 'u's, and among other mishaps, 'August' began to rhyme with 'angst'.

And then the boiling void closed around the dying rabbit like the jaws of a cosmic wolf. The universe watched in silence, although a passing truck honked twice.

And then the wicked parson lured the small child into a thicket, where he proceeded to disembowel it with a rusty geometrical compass.

And then?

The wise cats sat up in their cradle and looked up at Joe with symathetic eyes. And then they quoted Joshua Cadison and informed him that he would always be beautiful in their eyes.

And then?

The mouse police came to the unanimous conclusion that they would never sleep. If they ever shut their eyes, the shaggy haired piper would use his metallic instrument and they would die of acute flautism.

And then?

Thought became action, action became silence, silence became suffocation and everyone fell down as it hit the ground.

And then?

Mr. Moustache guided his little son into the vast desert of fossils, dinosaurs and bats so that he could show him the secret of his wonderful growth.

And then?

And then the killer platypus spat poison-tipped darts at Agen Doubleoh Nine, who was, however, too busy adjusting the sleeves of his Rat and Toiler suit while simultaneously feeling up his lady of the night, Halloween Pum'kin. Doubleoh Nine did not survive. Killer Platypus and Ms. Halloween would like to invite you to attend their wedding.

By JP, who doesn't update his own shit.

And then?

Much to the chagrin of the sharper more sensitive cutlery, the dish ran away with the spoon. The little dog laughed, because he had no use for the latter. He had no opposable thumbs.

And then?

The handful of desperate penne went to the local pub in search of some hot fusilli.

And then?

And then Priests of Osiris led the young boy to a stone place, where he instructed them in the secret incantations of the Drowned People. In return, they gave him a roll of toilet papyrus.

And then i realised that i had spent my whole life up until that point labouring under a delusion, and that the sky was not, in fact, a badly-disguised aubergine.